Please Don't Look at Me
by Jessaminebell
Summary: During a short walk home from the hospital, a chance collision with a drunken man has Shirotani covered in one of his worst nightmares. In an attempt to help resolve the situation, Kurose drags Shirotani into an alley to strip him down and buy him new clothes. However, upon his return, Shirotani is no where to be seen..?
1. Chapter 1

_Even through the overpowering feeling of germs crawling up my legs, those dirty,_ _ **dirty,**_ _germs, I can't seem to focus on anything but him._

Shirotani snuck a quick glance to the side, eyeing Korose as if he himself were a parasite of the worst caliber. He only noticed as they made eye-contact that Korose had been looking over as well. Defeated in this mind-game, he whipped his eyes back forward, lips pursed and cheeks red. Shirotani kept his stride going, perhaps walking just a bit faster out of embarrassment.

It was a cold night-one that called for many layers. Shirotani has insisted upon meeting Kurose at the hospital, but as more work piled up, the night had come ever closer and dropped the warm day into abysmal temperatures. It was now around ten PM, ushering in the stars above, and the gentle buzz of a dwindling crowd.

Despite the wind bringing in a coldfront, Shirotani, while in the hospital, had unbuttoned his own coat, leaving his shirt and tie exposed to the night air. A cool breeze rattled through him, but any type of discomfort was replaced with the thought of Kurose staring at him. It rattled his head and sent his heart beating fast. He hoped wildly that Kurose couldn't hear it, but something told Shirotani that Kurose already somehow knew.

"You know-" The sudden sound of a deep, whispering voice and the feeling of hot breath on his ear penetrated through Shirotani, causing him to jump. "Shirotani-san still hasn't said anything about the tenth item on the list. How can I corrupt you if you won't let me know what it is..?"

At this phrase, Shirotani jumped once again. He closed his eyes in shame, shaking his head. Once again, he began to pump his legs wildly, causing the space between the two to increase to around two yards. The swirling lights from local shops starting to close down was their only light on the street, but using it wisely, the two were able to avoid bumping into any strangers, even at the fast pace at which they walked.

 _Why would he say something like that in public?_

"Kurose-kun is being ambivalent again." He nearly shouted, hoping to fill the air with words instead of a thick black silence. Shirotani cleared his throat, turning his head back to glare at his lover. "Kurose-kun is a doctor, but he's saying such-"

"Watch out, Shirotani-san-"

It was in that moment that the thought of Kurose-kun was no longer on Shirotani's mind. His whipping head forwards and the sudden, inescapable realization hit him harder than any slap or kick. The man he had so carelessly bumped into made a retching noise, and using Shirotani for support, any alcohol in his system was purged in an instant. The mixture of alcohol and lumpy remains dripped off of Shirotani's suit and onto the street, sloshing on the ground like a dropped smoothie.

Any light or flirtatious air was whisked away by the night wind as Shirotani's entire body froze in the noise and the sudden warmth. His eyes widened, his heart stopped, his mind went blank. The swirling lights around them, the jumping rhythm of the swelling crowd, the overpowering stench, the unbearable **dirtiness** _ **,**_ they all became too much to bear in that moment, grinding everything to a halt. All the man could do was look down at himself in terror and disgust.

"Oh, excuse me.. Haha.." The tottering man that Shirotani had bumped into issued a short laugh, and reaching his hand to Shirotani's coat, he wiped his own steaming hand on the sleeve. With this quick exchange, Shirotani was left standing in the same spot, looking down at his coat and arm as though he wanted to chop his entire torso off of his body. For a moment, he looked up to catch eyes with a passerby. She scowled with a quick laugh.

"Oh, that's so disgusting." She remarked before disappearing in the blackness that surrounded the man. Shirotani's mind reeled as he felt his lunch coming back up. However, he was unable to find the strength to even vomit.

 _It's dirty it's dirty it's dirty it's dirty help me someone help I can't do this I don't want-I can't it's dirty it's dirty it's dirty-_

It was all that once that Shirotani fell backwards, however, he didn't have far to fall. Kurose had approached from behind, and gripping the man from backwards, he kept him from collapsing to the ground. It was only as Kurose was this close that he could hear the mixture of disgust, horror, and terror all nestled in Shirotani's trembling voice and vibrating hands. The man huffed wildly, unable to form complete words. He wrestled with the adjectives 'disgusting,' 'Kurose-kun,' and 'help,' sometimes forming all three in a single word. Tears streamed down his cheeks in quick puffs of huge droplets. His eyes traced back to Kurose, begging to be told what to do.

Kurose narrowed his eyebrows in pain. Reeling backwards, he glanced around for an area of respite. It was as his eyes settled on a nearby alleyway that he began to drag Shirotani away.

"Come on, let's get you out of that."

{A.N: This takes place roughly after chapter 16. }


	2. Chapter 2

Shirotani's eyes stared forward in a daze, wild and wide and skimming across the alleyway. He glanced down to where he sat, watching as the blackness crawled up his hands, bit at his hands, and engulfed his shaking fingers. His sight blurred as thick tears once again began to stream down his cheeks. His ragged breaths began to hitch as he focused on the germs all around him.

Kurose bent down to Shirotani, and adjusting the jacket he had lent the man, he tried his best to cover his exposed chest. He looked down to Shirotani's pants, noticing the trace pieces of vomit still clinging to the fabric.

God, it hurt him _so_ much to see his companion like this. He wanted nothing more than to hold him close, to embrace him in an effort to comfort, but he knew that in Shirotani's eyes, this would only irritate the situation further.

Kurose ran a hand through his hair, hushing his voice to a quiet whisper.

"I know that you can't stand the idea of sitting on the ground, so please try to keep your legs and arms inside my jacket. That should reduce how much contact you have with the cement. I have to run to the store to grab you a shirt, so please stay here until I return. I won't be longer than five minutes."

He waited a few moments for any terse reply, but noticing Shirotani's horrified stare through him, he decided it best to start his task as soon as possible and return to his side. And so, Kurose stood from his position and jogged from the darkness of the alleyway and back into the sea of bodies basking in the artificial light just feet away.

Shirotani clung hopelessly to the jacket loosely hung on his shoulders, and seeing the black once again approach on him, he struggled in vain to fit his entire body onto the fabric. He lifted his hands close to his face, seeing nothing but the corroding skin and blackening fingers. It was advancing up his body, tainting Kurose's jacket and everything it touched. His face twisted in a grotesque expression and he squeezed his hands together to cease all feeling in his fingers.

 _Everything here is dirty I'm dirty I'm dirty I'm dirty I can't escape it it's crawling on my skin and in my mouth and under this jacket and on the jacket and_

The man's hot breathing escaped as ragged hyperventilating, and though he tried his best to take his mind from the situation, he couldn't escape the looming feeling of disgust and shame, of how the passing woman had glared at him with such _pity_ and _**Disgust.**_

Before he could fully understand the situation, Shirotani was rising from his position in the alley, using an already-tainted hand to grab the wall and hoist himself up. Realizing the wall to be unclean, he recoiled in shock, brushing against the opposite wall in his backwards steps. His hitching breathing drove him to further hysteria.

 _I have to get out of here everywhere is dirty I can't stay here my stomach my hands my legs they're all dirty I have to wash them I can't sit here I can't do it I need to wash I need to wash_

Shirotani's pitiful eyes looked all around, but settling on the entrance to alleyway, he disregarded Kurose's request. The swirling lights and the chattering voices and the anxiety attack and the germs and the fear and the disgust all pushed him away from the alley, wishing him closer to his own apartment to disinfect. The man began to walk, clinging to the warm jacket as though it would protect him from all of the germs and taint in the world.

And then he left.


End file.
